Things continue to change. My responsibilities at my current place of employment have expanded slightly, which will most likely also result in a slightly higher pay rate (I don’t know the details yet). It seems to have happened entirely out of the blue (I’ve been “on the lookout” for new job opportunities, not expecting anything different from where I am now)… but since at this point I no longer believe in coincidences, I do not think it qualifies as one. Especially considering the somewhat challenging aspect of those new responsibilities. In short, they involve more direct contact with customers – which, for someone as deeply introverted as I am, is a rather big deal… to put it mildly. 😉 I might as well admit that a few years ago, I would have run screaming (metaphorically, of course) at the barest hint of such a development. At some previous workplaces, having to perform any sort of direct “customer service” would inevitably result in a slew of intense psychosomatic symptoms (stomach cramps, headaches, insomnia and so on). Which are not completely gone, by the way. They’re just… much more manageable. To the point that I am actually willing to “test my limits” in this area, without too much external pressure. I still wouldn’t have ASKED for those responsibilities out of my own initiative, to be honest; but being invited to consider them felt like an important opportunity to explore the scope of my personal growth so far, rather than a predicament. And that, in itself, is a pretty big change for me, all things considered.
It also ties in perfectly with the theme of “facing old fears in order to move forward” – which is a message I seem to be getting a lot lately via my Tarot deck. 😉 Let me take this opportunity to document a recent reading I gave myself, since it was rather remarkably to the point. I did a Chatelaine Spread (as described in the companion booklet to the Vintage Wisdom Oracle by Victoria Moseley – though I used Tarot cards instead), which consists of six cards, in the following positions:
1) The Chatelaine – foremost issues of the person for whom the reading is meant;
2) The Scissors – the most effective way to release unwanted influences;
3) The Magnifying Glass – hidden areas, which are either buried or in need of confrontation;
4) The Needle Kit – the person’s healing strengths to the world;
5) The Notepad – the lesson;
6) The Key – the wisdom that opens a secret door to new possibilities.
So what are my “foremost issues”, you might wonder? Well, I got the Seven of Cups – which is “a card of imagination, dreams and flights of fancy. This card indicates that the person in question is scattering their energies or is dealing with too many options. It represents living in a dream world, avoiding responsibilities, and creating illusions.” In other words, your classic “wishy washy”, escapist, “head in the clouds” type of person – which is precisely how anybody would have described me, at any point in my life (except, perhaps, for the past few years; though even that is open for discussion). For the scissors, I got the Two of Cups – which seems to indicate that the most effective way to release unwanted influences would be to start a new relationship… or to forgive someone. Since I can’t think of anyone I haven’t forgiven at this point, I’m assuming that the forming of new connections is the recommended remedy for old emotional baggage. The magnifying glass was the Five of Swords, which represents betrayal. I interpret that to mean that in order to be successful at the abovementioned new relationships, I need to confront my fear of betrayal. Which somehow circles back to forgiveness and releasing old hurts (which of course are going to resurface in the context of starting something new). The needle kit was Two of Pentacles; and so my “healing strength” seems to be my “adaptability and the ability to go with the flow”. It’s a work in progress, but I can definitely claim significant improvements in this area. The Notepad was The Moon: “the card of dreams, the subconscious, psychic abilities, and intuition”, which “beckons us to find our inner voice and reach higher levels of enlightenment”. And so the lesson seems to be transitioning from spiritual escapism (represented by the Seven of Cups) to spiritual wisdom. The description of the Moon card also mentions “facing past fears head on in order to continue on our journey”. And, finally, the key was The Tower – which may seem like a catastrophic card, at first glance, since it represents “upheaval, disaster, reversal in fortune, or a striking revelation”. And yet it also means “a monumental change or shift” that “reverses the current false or shaky situation in order to pave the way for new opportunities.” What it brings to mind for me, instantly, is the support materials for my Holosync meditation program – which talk about our old mental “models of reality” crumbling in upon themselves as a result of deep and consistent meditation practice… only to be replaced by more efficient systems, organized at a higher level of perception. In other words, your sense of what is real and how the world works must fall apart, just like this old crumbling tower, before you can build a new edifice, worthy of the new you. In that sense, my tower has fallen already, so there is nothing to fear. It’s just yet another way to rephrase the need for releasing the old, in order to make room for the new. See how it all beautifully comes together? I AM making new connections through the Meetup group I mentioned earlier, which leads me to examine past relationship issues from a new perspective. I AM evolving, and adapting, and questioning various self-imposed limitations. In a sense, all of the above can also be summed up as transforming perceived handicaps into gifts. Finding the value in vulnerability. Opening myself up to new experiences. Carefully, but courageously stepping out of the comfort zone. So let me just acknowledge and appreciate all of that. After all, it can take just a few small course adjustments to shift an entire trajectory. In other words, baby steps matter. No achievement is too small or trivial to be celebrated. Well done, dear Self. Keep going. 🙂