Let me begin today with an acknowledgment of the vast amounts of resistance I am up against in my efforts to continue this blog. I had said before that my time to update it was rather limited, due to external circumstances; however, I am beginning to realize that “lack of time” is probably my most standard excuse for not doing a number of things I say I really want to do, and perhaps it is time to explore its validity. 😉 As it happens, I have recently greatly expanded my understanding of the phenomenon of egoic resistance, thanks to Andrrea Hess’s online course “Unstoppable” – wherein she discusses the various ways we humans tend to sabotage ourselves whenever we decide to implement some changes in our lives. Putting things off due to “lack of time” is a classic example of doing precisely that. In the simplest of terms, we do not procrastinate because we’re “too busy” (or “too lazy”, for that matter); we procrastinate because our subconscious perceives any change as dangerous, and comes up with various clever, sneaky strategies to stop us from establishing new habits that have any real potential for transforming our lives. It’s not a shocking discovery, in and of itself; it’s more of a conscious acknowledgment of something already known on a deeper, murkier level. But sometimes shining just a little bit of light into those murky depths is enough to shift one’s perspective. It is far more helpful and constructive, for example, to acknowledge that procrastination is an expression of our natural survival instinct, than it is to see it as a personal character flaw (which we then proceed to beat ourselves up about… resulting in not only even more procrastination, but also a decrease in self-esteem). It also really helps to understand WHY you can’t seem to “get around” to doing certain things that you say you’d really love to do. According to another one of my favorite personal development teachers, the late Bill Harris of Centerpointe Research Institute, “awareness creates choice”; and so, now that I am well aware of my tendency to hide behind “lack of time” whenever I feel insecure about something I want to do, I have decided to embark on a little experiment. There are three things I somehow never find time for, despite being in love with the idea of doing them – and one of those things is blogging. (I do have a semi-private LiveJournal account, which I update pretty regularly, by the way; but that feels “safe”, due to being mostly accessible to a small group of friends or long-term readers who aren’t likely to “judge” my content… and so it doesn’t require me to venture outside of my comfort zone.) Another one is a consistent yoga practice (I have “flirted” with yoga for years, but never quite committed to it for long enough to notice a significant impact on my health or fitness level). And the third one is joining a social group of like-minded people; not online, but in “real life”. So my little experiment consists of actually doing those three things, this year, on a fairly regular basis. Or, at the very least, no longer lying to myself as to why I am not doing them. Noticing the resistance – without judgement – every time it comes up… and then doing it anyway. Finding the time somehow – even if it means adjusting priorities and skipping something else. Acknowledging the discomfort of testing my limits… even celebrating it as proof of growth. Those are my New Year’s Resolutions, if you please. And I promise to be honest about my success rate, too. (Well, the success rate of blogging will become self-evident right on this page, anyway, through the frequency of subsequent entries… or lack thereof.)

And with that, I wish anyone who happens to see this an amazing 2020. It is already said to be a year of profound changes, for a lot of people – even humanity as a whole. May those changes turn out for the best, however scary or uncomfortable they may look right now. May we all see beyond the chaos and fear-mongering of mainstream media, into the potential of a better future. And may we all have our part in creating said future… starting with our own individual lives. “Being the change”, as it were. Here’s to awareness, courage and conscious choice, in things big and small. Let us honor ourselves for all our efforts. The world is shifting, and we’re along for the ride, and it’s OK to feel uncertain and confused about where we’re going. It’s OK to give ourselves permission to explore what we want out of life, and to prioritize it over what we think we “have” to do. It’s OK to make mistakes. The universe doesn’t judge, and we also have a choice to stop doing that. It’s all about the journey… not the destination (which might also change, by the way, before we even get there). And the journey never ends. Every moment of it is exactly what it needs to be. We are where we need to be. There is no way to prove it, but it is far more helpful and constructive to believe so than to believe otherwise. And therefore so I choose. 😉

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